Tuesday, June 05, 2007

Revenge Of The Cougars!!!

Fed up with the sexism and ageism of Hollywood two time Academy Award Nominee Talia Shire and Golden Globe Nominee Bonnie Bedelia havedecided to strike back. Shire and Bedelia were both extremely hurt and angry that they were left out of the franchises they helped build. When Shire found out she would not be appearing as Adrian for the sixth time in “Rocky Balboa” she went into a deep depression. Then when Shire’s close friend Bonnie Bedelia was informed she would not appear in “Live Free Or Die Hard” Talia took action. She sat down and banged out a script of the two of them called “Revenge Of The Cougars”.
The film is a more mean spirited “First Wives Club.” In the film Shire and Bedelia are devastated when they are forced out of the company they built because they are too old only to have their husbands leave them. To strike back the two make over their bodies with pilates and plastic surgery and vow to get revenge on their ex-husband and former business associates. With the help of their computer genius friend played by Academy Award Nominee Carol Kane they bring down the company they were forced out of. Then to get back at their ex-husbands they get new boy toys who are even younger then their ex-husbands new trophy wives.

The casting of the young love interest has proven to be vindication for all the Hollywood Actresses who have been told they are too old to play romantic leads even though they are in their sexual prime. The first thing Talia and Bonnie did was eliminated the possibility of casting anybody over the age of 40, that immediately eliminated Brad Pitt, Tom Cruise and Johnny Depp. It turns out this was devastating for Depp. He told a close friend that ever since he had seen “The Godfather” he had dreamed of playing opposite Shire. Too bad for him he’s too told….Then actors in their thirties expressed interest. Matt Damon for Bedlia’s boy toy. Bonnie said she liked Damon and thought he was sexy about “eight years ago”. The duo decided they had to go extra young. After seeing his steamy sex scene with Christina Ricci in “Black Snake Moan” Shire decided nobody other than Justin Timberlake could play her young stud. Although it seemed like Justin may resist he jumped at the chance to play opposite the Hollywood Legend.


As for Bedelia. She searched high and low then came across her choice one day while reading about a scandalous play in London. Yes you guessed it. Bonnie’s lover will be played by non other than Harry Potter himself Daniel Radcliff. And just like in his recent play he will appear nude.
“Revenge Of The Cougars” is set to start filming on July 1st and is gunning of a December release date in order to qualify for Oscar Consideration.

8 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

This is the greatest story EVER! I'm camping out at my local theater tonight to make sure I'm first in line to buy my "Revenge Of The Cougars!!!" ticket!

3:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

What can I say?! I NAILED IT!

3:31 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

It's not as good as "Buffay The Vampire Layer" starring me!

4:17 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

I’m drinkin’ a soy latte, I get a double shoté

It goes right through my body and you know I’m satisfied

I drive my mini Cooper and I’m feeling super-duper

Yo’, they tell I’m a trooper and you know I’m satisfied

I do yoga and Pilates and the room is full of hotties

So I’m checkin’ out the bodies and you know I’m satisfied

I’m diggin’ on the isotopes, this metaphysics shit is dope

And if all this can give me hope you know I’m satisfied

10:17 PM  
Blogger Crazy Beyotch said...

Bloody fantastic. I'm most looking forward to seeing Carol Kane as the computer genius.

12:39 AM  
Blogger Angela Hill said...

Damn, if only it were a real movie!
I love Bonnie Bedelia! She is such an amazing actress!
:)

10:06 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Your blog keeps getting better and better! Your older articles are not as good as newer ones you have a lot more creativity and originality now keep it up!

1:39 AM  
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