Sure Justin brought sexy back but can he bring Britney back?

Just six months ago America was wonder where sexy was. The country’s libido was at an all time low. But now thanks to Grammy Award winner Justin Timberlake sexy is back. America is getting it on like it’s1969 again.

Now that sexy is back the question is can Justin bring ex-gal pal Britney Spears back? Since Spears filed for divorce on November 7th she and Timberlake have been in daily contact, much to the dismay of Cameron Diaz. Britney’s plan was two fold, get Justin to help her out on her next album and get him back into her bed.

Justin has been more than happy to help Britney get her career back on track. He even helped her get Timberland and Nelly to appear on her next album tentative titled “Britney’s back: Blonder and badder”. In fact Justin was even thinking of doing a duet with Britney himself. That was until he saw the pictures of a drunk, cracked out, white trashed out Britney flashing her cooter all over down with her new BFF’s Paris Hilton and Lindsay Lohan. This morning Fake Gossip News caught up with a shirtless Timberlake as he was running in the Hollywood Hills. When asked about Britney she said “I want to help her get her career back on track. I’ve always contended that she’s more talented than people give her credit for. I really think I could help her make her next album her best yet. Not only do I think it could end up being her biggest selling yet I think it could finally win her some long overdue respect from the critics. But her behavior this last week has made me question if I should appear on the album myself.” When asked about the rumors that her make leave Diaz to rekindle his romance with Spears Justin declared “No way! I’m with Cameron period…Besides when I saw he pictures of her out parting recently I could help but think ‘I fucked that?’”

The Ellens

Have you ever wondered who really pulls the strings in Hollywood? It’s not Steven Spielberg, or Tom Cruise or David Geffen or any other executive. It’s the Ellen Mafia. From talk shows and sitcoms to movies and TV dramas all the way down to sketch comedy and security the dynamic foursome of Ellen Burstyn, Ellen Degeners, Ellen Pompeo and Ellen Cleghorne make the Hollywood machine run.

Need proof? Who else but the ultra powerful Ellen Burstyn could receive an Emmy nomination for what equates to less than a cameo appearance in “Mrs. Harris”. One television academy member who wished to remain anonymous out of fears of the Ellen Mafia would get him or her told Fake Gossip News “Everybody knew Burstyn was going to get nominated in fact ever member of the academy that nominated for that category woke up with an Emmy head in their bed the day we were to view ‘Mrs. Harris’. We didn’t now exactly what it meant but we knew it was from Burstyn and we knew we better nominate her or else.”

Still don’t believe us? Ellen Degeneres' daytime talk show is as popular as ever. She continues to rack up daytime Emmys (thanks in part to Burstyn’s campaign for her no doubt). But even bigger than that is the fact that Ellen D. will become the first out lesbian to host Hollywood’s biggest night next year when she serves as M.C. for the 79th Annual Academy Awards.

Pompeo’s power was on full display when she forced ABC to movie “Grey’s Anatomy” to Thursday nights. She and she alone knew her show could chip away at aging “CSI: Crime Scene Investigation.”

But perhaps the most powerful woman in all of Hollywood is Ellen Cleghorne. Best know for her work on “Saturday Night Live” in the early 90’s Cleghorne has been keeping Hollywood safe since the 1996 film “Mr. Wrong” (which starred her and Ellen D.) Since Cleghorne became the queen of Hollywood security the studios have been kept under tighter security than Fort Knox. Fake Gossip News caught up with Ellen C. at the DVD release party for her fabulous 1995 sitcom “Cleghorne!” When we asked her how she manages to keep Hollywood safe she smiles and said “With the best locks money can buy.”

Did Britney ruin her career in order to get slapped?

Ooops she did it again. Once again Britney Spears pulled America’s (or at least Hollywood’s) attention away from real news and onto her. Hollywood was a buzz on November 7th and it wasn’t because of the Democratic Victory in the house and Senate. True blue democrat and Oscar winner Susan Sarandon told Fake Gossip News “As thrilled as I was that the republicans got the boot I was even more thrilled that K. Fed go the boot. Sometimes you cant’ help but care about pop culture.”

All of Hollywood is wondering if Britney’s divorce from Kevin Federline will also be a divorce of sorts from her long career slump. Some were beginning to winder if Britney would be the last to know if she had become a national joke.

But the real question is how did it come to this? How did Britney go from teen sensation to aging white trash pop princess in a few short years? Fake Gossip News was shocked to learn it might have all been a part of Britney’s plan. And we feel extremely lucky to have the inside scoop on this one.

It seems in the summer of 2003 Britney found a new dream. A dream she believed would make her career stronger. When the gay slapper first appeared that summer Britney dreamed of being slapped. Kate Hudson’s career was red hot after the box office success of “How To Loose A Guy In 10 Days” when she became the first slapping victim. Britney assumed she would be the next victim and was devastated when she wasn’t. A close friend of Birtney’s told Fake Gossip news “She wanted to be slapped more than anything. She was already hearing whispers around LA that her career was over and she figured there would be no better way to prove her critics wrong than to get slapped.” Britney’s friend went on to add, “She literally dreamed of getting slapped. She told me of this one dream where he slapped her and she said ‘Hit me baby one more time’ and he did.”

Sadly for Britney as the summer of 2003 neared its end the gay slapper was nowhere to be seen. That’s when Britney devised the first of several events in her life to try to lure a slapping. Spears former publicist confirmed to Fake Gossip News yesterday that the infamous MTV Video Music Awards kiss with Madonna was designed to attract the attention of the gay slapper. But it didn’t work. Over the next three years Britney would virtually destroy her career and life in the hopes of getting slapped. First there was the inclusion of the stupid ass song “Outrageous” on her 2003 cd “In The Zone.” Then there was her quickie Vegas marriage and annulment in January 2004 followed by the controversial video to her balled “Everytime.” When those stunts didn’t’ work Britney decided to kick it up a notch by marring Kevin Federline but again nothing. Then came the reality TV show “Chaos”, a child and then a second baby. Not to mention driving with her first son on her lap and that sad, sad “Dateline NBC” interview.

Birtney’s long time friend and pop rival Christina Aguilera told Fake Gossip News “She tried and tried but the slap never came. For Brit the final straw was when Kevin was booed at the West Hollywood Halloween Carnival. She finally realized she was trying too hard to get slapped and in doing so she was becoming increasingly irrelevant.”

When Fake Gossip News contacted Britney for this story she refused to confirm or deny that she wanted to get slapped but she did issue the following statement “I admit I’ve made some mistakes over the last few years but I feel like I’m back on the right track now. The most important things in my life right now are my sons and making good music again.” (Again? When did she start in the first place?). Spears went on to add “There is something I have wanted for a long time now and I’m hoping my new BFF Paris Hilton will help me get it.”…If recent slaps are any indication Britney may finally get her wish.